My Faith

There are times that come, when I feel weak, and in strong need for a source of mercy, love or support. There are other times, when things are ok and peaceful. In each one of those two situations, it's a different person who thinks, and prays, and I'm not quite sure in which situation do things become clear. I've no clue at all about when do I see things the true way they are.

Since I've recorded some miserable times when I was crying for help, here in this blog. I decided today to record a time when the water is calm, and peaceful.

Do I believe in God? Yes I do. I believe in God, His love to the world, and His plan for their salvation. I thank Him for all those uncountable blessings He gives for me everyday, and I feel really happy when I do so. I ask for His help when in need, and in many situations I feel like it was Him who solved it, or at least made me feel better about it. I know people who truly believe in Him, and they are the best people I've ever known in my life. They are peaceful, wise, having a clear vision, and they always want to help others around them to see the light as they see it.

Why do I believe in God? I cannot lie about the answer, not for myself, not for anybody. For if God is the source and purpose of life, it's either done honestly or I've spent those years of my life lying, and intend to continue lying for the rest of it.

God is there for there can't be other better source of goodness in our life. God is there for there can't be other better One to thank. God is there for He has people who live His words and they are happy. God is there for I've felt His presence in some moments of my life.

Is it enough evedince? No. I hope it was, but it's not yet enough. I don't want to know more about God for He's so beautiful and I need to see more of the beauty. I need to know more, for what I've seen is not yet equivalent to what people say in the church or elsewhere. I need more evidence since the history seems to show more evidence than what we see today. He is not making Himself clear to me, or I am not working enough to do so. And I demand that He takes an action.

And because I'm still not sure who exactly is not doing his job properly, I still go to church, serve, speak about God's presence, and deliver the words I've had throughout my childhood. It's so far not much helping, but it's the right of the people to get the same info. And it's a part of my doubt..

I know that there will come times, may be tomorrow, may be next week, when I will be hopeless, for some reason. I will pray, and ask for His help. I really hope it's not the prefered way He likes...to show up in misery. Because then, whenever the misery is over, we'll still have the same doubts!!

The dilemma

Apart from life achievements, we claim our feelings to be decided by ourselves. We claim that we can love somebody if we want to love him, and we claim that we can stop loving somebody when we decide to do so. We even claim that we get attached to some place if we decided that the place is quite suitable for us, and we get detached from a country or a nationality or a home when we decide to. However, once upon a time I suddenly changed, in one night or one day, and started to look at the people in a different way. One day I woke up to find myself indifferent about that friend, and at one moment I admired the other friend. I don't remember when it happened when I started to treat that man nicely or when I started to humiliate the other. It's very complicated to record the time spot but I'm quite sure of two things; that it was one single moment of time without much thinking or decision making. The other thing is that it wasn't ever a result of maturity or growth.

Maturity is a term used in books to explain the change in our way of decision making. Maturity is used to justify why we stopped feeling the way we used to many years ago, or may be yesterday. I don't know why I don't feel the same way I was feeling yesterday. Religious people insert the God factor. It's definitely a good dilemma where the God factor fits. God changed your heart so that you feel (better). And scientists always have theories. It's their hobby to always have theories.

One feeling that I'm having lately is not to trust the religious too much, for they're still not so sure. And until they're sure, I won't deny it, but I still I don't like them. May be if God really directs us and is the one who changes my heart in one moment, He'd have then made me like the religious people. Of course if He likes them!

Anyway I do pray. I do pray from time to time, and I really enjoy it. I do pray that God directs my heart to whatever He likes, and whatever He finds beneficial. I pray and I've been trying for sometime to let Him decide with complete authority on the whole issue. This sounds really good, isn't it? And the religious guys like those statements very much. But, I still don't have enough evidence. I've asked for it, but I don't remember that I had enough. I pray for if God is not there, and if He is not in control, there will be no other better theory for me to accept. There will be no better purpose to live for!!

Famelab Germany Final 2013

Bielefeld, 04.05.2013

Once upon a time, there was a great empire and a great leader. The empire was French and the leader was Napoleon.

Napoleon, having conquered almost all of Europe, still had a critical problem; how to keep food for a long time, so that his huge army could find something to eat during their long battles. One French guy found him the solution; a can made out of Tin.

Afterwards, in December 1812, Napoleon ordered his soldiers to march to Moscow to conquer the Russian capital, but it was the wrong decision. The French army was defeated, and one important reason for that was the Tin can. The French soldiers, being in Russia in winter time, suddenly found all of their Tin cans changing into dust. But why?

In order to answer this historical question, we look at Tin. Tin, just like any other metal, follows a basic rule, and that is, to keep its energy as minimum as possible. At low temperature the atoms of Tin try to minimize their energy by changing their order. They don’t only change their order actually, but even the type of bonding between them. So at high temperature they have a small metallic bond, while at low temperature, they have a large covalent bond. And this sudden increase in volume changes the metal into dust.

The French soldiers didn’t only have their food cans made out of tin actually, but even the buttons of their fancy french coats were all made of Tin. Being in Russia in December, with no food, and their coats in such a very bad condition, they were easy to be defeated.

Today we all have some of this Tin in our computers for example. So inside your computer there are those green boards, and lots of components are fixed to them. They are fixed there by Tin. But no more pure Tin, rather it's always mixed with other elements to prevent this transformation.

These boards still remind us of Napoleon, and his wrong decision. He could have had a small empire, but a great and successful one, rather he wanted to extend it more and more, until suddenly not only his food cans, but even his whole empire turned into dust.

Thank you very much :)

Passion

One memory ..
In Cairo, I used to go to a mechanic's workshop to repair my car from time to time. The workshop is somewhere near Abasseya .. anyway .. perhaps it was not more than 3-4 times. The place is managed by an old engineer, one of those dedicated old experts you might see frequently in the crowded capital. The man, who is actually a friend of my uncle, is always sitting at his office upstairs. The office, quite small, is glass-windowed so he could see how the technicians worked down there. The place almost fitted for maximum five cars. I, like others, used to stand down next to the car while one of the poor guys was working on it. A scenario that is always going on: a technician tells the old man about the issue, and the old man gives an order in 2 sentences, what to check, what to change and he might address the client with price possibilities. It's quite strange but I loved the scene. I almost dreamt to be at his place; a humble office, not air-conditioned, nothing attractive actually, but the experience. The man, whom I hope is still doing well with his work, is one very good support when it comes to hard work, studying or any rediculous job. I'm now working on a Master's degree in Germany, and still remember him from time to time. That man, equally like professors I see here, spent an entire life for mastering their subject. They had a hard time, and they did it with passion. That man, equal to those professors, are a quite good source of inspiration. :)

We need imperfection

We all want to be perfect .. we all need to be perfect. It's human need probably; a perfectly looking woman, a perfectly rich man! But things around us teach us something different.

It was about 100 years before Christ, when a huge battle took place between Egyptians and Syrians. It was known as the battle of Kadesh. It was the first battle to be known that huge. Egyptians had more men, and had more experience. On the other hand Syrians were less in number, of no much experience with war tactics, but history tells us that the Syrians won the battle! And the reason came to be .. the Weapons!

Egyptians on one side went there with their weapons made out of bronze, they knew the bronze and it proved to be good in previous wars. But on the other side, Syrians had their weapons made out of Iron. And just to make a comparison between this and that; an sword made out of bronze is strong, looking perfect, until it is cracked once or twice, then it can be easily broken! A shield made out of bronze is very strong until it is bent a little, then it can be completely damaged. On the other side, a sword made out of iron can be cracked once, twice and ten times and still sustain until the end of the battle, and so is an iron shield, it can be severely bent and still protect the man standing behind it!

It wasn't until the twentieth century, until we got to know microscopes, that we knew the reason; that sliding of atoms across each other is the secret behind all that. How much imperfections can the material handle, that's the point! When atom A breaks its bond with atom B and make a new bond with atom C, still with the same strength as the first bond, that's the secret! It was since then, that materials scientists were not looking for strong materials, or good looking materials, but materials that can sustain as much defects and imperfections as possible.

It was since then that we understood that a good man is not the happiest one, though, he is the one who can still live happily however he know he has defects and flaws in his life!

Thank you :)

- Famelab NRW 2013

ثرثرة

- لما بتفوق بتعمل إيه؟

- بسأل نفسى الواحد عايش ليه

- بيكون ردك إيه؟

- بنسطل قبل ما ارد

(ثرثرة فوق النيل)

إدراك الله (2)

الغد خرافة يحيا من أجلها من لا حاضر له

خطيئتان يخطهما الإنسان فى حق روحه؛ استحضار الله من التاريخ، أو توقع وجود الله بعد حين. الإنسان المتجرد من دنيوياته مستعد لمعرفة الله الآن. كذلك ليس مقام الإنسان الروحى و علاقته بالله يتحددان بخبرته، لكن بمدى تدربه و إدراكه لقيمة وجود الله فى الحاضر، ثم بمدى استطاعته على الإبقاء على ذلك الوجود روحياً و عقلياً فى الحاضر (الآن).

تعلم كما أعلم أنك وقت تدرك وجود الله فى داخلك، فى لحظة تشهد لنفسك أن الموت لا فرق بينه و بين الحياة و أن تلك السعادة التى غمرتك فى لحظة تجعلك تريد الحياة كلها كتلك اللحظة.

شعر بها بولس السجين و كتب فى قليل من الزمن بعض الكلمات؛ "لى اشتهاء ان انطلق و اكون مع المسيح ذاك افضل جداً."

إدراك الله (1)

الله المجرد

**

"فبقى يعقوب وحده. و صارعه انسان حتى طلوع الفجر. و لما رأى انه لا يقدر عليه ضرب حق فخذه. فانخلع حق فخذ يعقوب فى مصارعته معه. و قال اطلقنى لانه قد طلع الفجر. فقال لا اطلقك ان لم تباركنى."

**

ليس سهلاً بالمرة أن نرى الله. هو أبسط من أن نراه.

الله يمكث فى المجردات. لذلك عرّفنا لأنفسنا إله المِحن، لا يؤرق حياتك سوى المحنة، تتجرد، تتلخص الحياة بآلامها فى الضيقة، فترى الله.

لم يكن أنطونيوس الراهب المتقشف، أو أرسانيوس معلم الأمراء يستيقظون فى الصباح حتى يتحدثوا إلى الله، يبتسمون قليلاً و يتناولون قطعة خبز مبلولة بالماء. لم يكونوا معلمين يدركون فصلاً جديداً من الحكمة الإلهية فى كل مساء. فإن الصراع الذى أدركه أحد هؤلاء حتى يُدرك الله أعظم مما تريد أنت تصديقه.

إن رؤية الله بالعيان أو سماع صوته لن يكون سوى نهاية مشروعة لا تندرج تحت صفة المعجزة

Thankful

يا رب...أشكرك.

ألا ينبغى أن نشكرك حينما نريد أن نشكر؟
أنت تعلم ذلك الضعف..الضعف. قد لا يرونه هم (الآخرين)، أو يرونه و تستر أنت عنى العيون حتى لا أهلك من فرط هشاشة تكوينى. يا رب، أنت تعلم عجزى...تُرى كم مرة افتخرت بعجزى؟ يااا رب، إنى أشكرك، فأنا عاجز. يا رب، أنا عاجز عن الابتسام إلا بفضل نعمتك. عاجز عن الكلام إلا بدفعة، لا زلت تدفعنى بها كمحرك مُستهلك يخبطونه كل يوم حتى يدور...لا تهون عليهم العشرة، أو من باب الاستخسار.
أحمدك، أنى عاجز. أشعر أنه يوم أموت، سيكون يوم تدرك أنت أنك تبذل جهداً يضاعف ما تجنيه.

أشكرك، لأنك تنعم علىّ بأن أشعر بالامتنان...من حين لآخر...

أما كان هناك بديلاً عن الملل؟ أما كان ممكناً أن أراك كل يوم؟ أما كان ممكناً ألا أموت أياماً، كى أحيا لدقائق؟

أنت تذكر تلك الأيام. تذكر حينما كنت أخاف ألا أنام. حين كان يأتينى الأرق، كنت أخاف ألا أنام كسائر البشر بالمساء.
يا رب، إنى أخاف الآن النوم.
يا رب، أطلب إليك، لا تتركنى أنساك.
أتخلى عن تلك الإرادة، لك هى. اجعلنى لا أنساك.

ما حيلتى و العجز غاية قوتى، و أمرى جميعاً تحت حكم المشيئةِ.

فخلصنى من أسر الطبيعة و اهدنى بنورك يا الله و اوصل قطيعتى.

مكسبك..

الجدير بالذكر أنه لا مكسب فى هذه الحياة، لا مكسب يمكنه (نسبياً أو فى المطلق) أن يفرض نفسه و يُحتسب إضافة للشخص أو لمن حوله، لا مكسب سوى أن تربح ذاتك. تربحها من سادة هذه الحياة. كأنك تسير فى طريق مبتسماً لا يعكر صفوك الحروب و لا تسيطر عليك مغريات الأرصفة...تسير فى الطريق عارفاً إلى أين مآلك و لا تبصر غيره. و كلما سرت خطوات على طريقك الصحيح، ظهر قرص الشمس أبهى من بعيد. أنت يزداد نفوذك على ذاتك و لا تنحنى، أنت يزداد نفوذك على ذاتك و لا تنحرف يميناً أو يساراً. تمضى و لا تزعجك مغريات الأرصفة و الباعة الجائلين، تمضى قدماً لا تنوى اكتشاف المزيد فى المدن التى ترامت على يمينك و يسارك. لقد أدركت بخبرتك – التى ترتسم على وجهك من كثرة الضربات – أن الطريق إلى النور مستقيماً، و لا مكاسب أخرى قد تفيدك. كلما علا الطريق..كلما ظهر قرص الشمس أكثر وضوحاً و بياناً..ينطبع على وجهك المشوه..ينعكس على آخرين. حتى هذا لا تآبه به...فأنت لن تلتفت عن قرص الشمس يميناً أو يساراً. كلما زادت همهمات المارة أو علا صوت البيوت، كلما فكرت فى اكتشاف الشوارع الجانبية...تحسس وجهك، ربما تذكرت ما مر بك هناك J

Reminder

Reminder for myself, I've the worst memory :)

When you are on the way, doing something, going somewhere, dealing with someone or spending your vacation; then you feel (for a second) that whatever you're doing is just happening, you don't know why. If you feel (for a second) that what you're doing is unfavourable for you any more, or if you feel (for a second) that there's no aim out of that. If you feel you're not happy with it any more, you're angry, worried or tired.

Kindly, when anything of the aforementioned symptoms appear...just STOP !!

Stop, and rethink, have a better look (deeply), think (it's not hard to think).

Then, kindly take the right decision (perhaps for the first time)...

Smile !

I've just found a place where I can smile again !!

A place, where I reconsidered to, once more..write something :)

Hallelujah..I'm out of Cairo, and for long :)

Down and Out in Paris and London

In his book "Down and Out in Paris and London", George Orwell mentions the misery he lived between the two cities, bearing poverty and bad luck. Though he was a part of the whole thing, Orwell remained as a witness of all what he personally experienced.

About to leave Paris, he came up with a conclusion about that slave's life he's just been into; I believe it's worth mentioning :)

As an example of what I mean by luxuries which are not luxuries, take an extreme case, such as one hardly sees in Europe. Take an Indian rickshaw puller, or a gharry pony. In any Far Eastern town there are rickshaw pullers by the hundred, black wretches weighing eight stone, clad in loincloths. Some of them are diseased; some of them are fifty years old. For miles on end they trot in the sun or rain, head down, dragging at the shafts, with the sweat dripping from their grey moustaches. When they go too slowly the passenger calls them BAHINCHUT. They earn thirty or forty rupees a month, and cough their lungs out after a few years. The gharry ponies are gaunt, vicious things that have been sold cheap as having a few years’ work left in them. Their master looks on the whip as a substitute for food. Their work expresses itself in a sort of equation—whip plus food equals energy; generally it is about sixty per cent whip and forty per cent food. Sometimes their necks are encircled by one vast sore, so that they drag all day on raw flesh. It is still possible to make them work, however; it is just a question of thrashing them so hard that the pain behind outweighs the pain in front. After a few years even the whip loses its virtue, and the pony goes to the knacker. These are instances of unnecessary work, for there is no real need for gharries and rickshaws; they only exist because Orientals consider it vulgar to walk. They are luxuries, and, as anyone who has ridden in them knows, very poor luxuries. They afford a small amount of convenience, which cannot possibly balance the suffering of the men and animals.

Similarly with the PLONGEUR. He is a king compared with a rickshaw puller or a gharry pony, but his case is analogous. He is the slave of a hotel or a restaurant, and his slavery is more or less useless. For, after all, where is the REAL need of big hotels and smart restaurants? They are supposed to provide luxury, but in reality they provide only a cheap, shoddy imitation of it. Nearly everyone hates hotels. Some restaurants are better than others, but it is impossible to get as good a meal in a restaurant as one can get, for the same expense, in a private house. No doubt hotels and restaurants must exist, but there is no need that they should enslave hundreds of people. What makes the work in them is not the essentials; it is the shams that are supposed to represent luxury. Smartness, as it is called, means, in effect, merely that the staff work more and the customers pay more; no one benefits except the proprietor, who will presently buy himself a striped villa at Deauville. Essentially, a ‘smart’ hotel is a place where a hundred people toil like devils in order that two hundred may pay through the nose for things they do not really want. If the nonsense were cut out of hotels and restaurants, and the work done with simple efficiency, PLONGEURS might work six or eight hours a day instead often or fifteen.

My Way ;)

"And now, friends, we shall say the National Anthym...but you won't have to stand up" (";)

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